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Deadpan - Birthday: You were born on this day a number of years ago.
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Deadpan - Wedding: You have entered into a legal contract...
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Deadpan - Friendship: You're the best friend I haven't alienated.
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Deadpan - Birthday: Congratulations on your ongoing existence.
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Deadpan - You are a frequent topic of my therapy.
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Deadpan - Father's day: We are probably genetically related.
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Deadpan - Mother's day: You gave birth to me.
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Deadpan - Friendship: You're among my top fifty friends.
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Deadpan - You are gay, so this card features rainbows.
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Deadpan - Birthday: I can't believe how quickly our lives are draining away
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Deadpan - Birthday: You have been alive for several years.
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Deadpan - Baby: You have successfully given birth to a human child.
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Deadpan - You are a millennial, so this card mentions avocados.
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Deadpan - Good luck: I hope you are not humiliated in your challenge.
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Deadpan - Belated birthday: This card is late because I it was...
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Deadpan - Anniversary: Astonishingly, I have remembered our anniversary.
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